


A Foolish Burden

by Impalapossible



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Depression, Running Away, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impalapossible/pseuds/Impalapossible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader decides to leave the bunker and Dean behind in an attempt to save him from having to deal with the burden of caring for them any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Foolish Burden

You couldn’t stay here. You didn’t belong here. The bunker was for others, not for you. You didn’t deserve the kindness shown you by Sam and Dean, nor any of the other hunters in the community. You were and always would be an outsider. An orphan peering through windows. Watching. Wishing. Hoping. But never truly belonging with anyone. 

You silently packed up your belongings, of which there were very few, and took one last look around the room you had occupied for six months. So many memories were made here and you did your best to hold back the tears as they flooded your mind. The time Sam burst in excitedly because he cracked one of the men of letters codes. The two of you spent hours translating several texts that nigh.

Or when Dean heard you screaming in your sleep and came in to pull you into his arms, running his fingers through your hair to comfort you until you could fall asleep again. He did that so many nights he practically lived in your bedroom. You swore you could still feel his body against your own. The scent of his cologne mixed with whiskey and gun powder. Subconsciously, you found yourself rubbing a spot on your bicep where Dean often rested his hand whenever you were together.

‘I have been such a burden to these guys. Especially Dean…’ 

All his late nights with you. The time he spent helping you train to be a better hunter or taking you on cases and protecting you. You felt a pit in your stomach imagining all the thoughts that must be running through his head about you. ‘She’s too slow. She is too needy and selfish’ and a host of other adjectives came to your mind that Dean could use. 

‘I am a terrible person. I should have known better than to stick around as long as I have. I can’t stay. I can’t bother Dean any longer. He deserves better than that. He deserves better than a pathetic, weak, annoying crybaby. Without me, his life will be better. He will be happier. He will be free.” 

Wiping away the few stray tears, you picked up your satchel and threw it over your shoulder. Slowly, you crept through the bunker corridor, careful to listen for signs of either brother stirring. Luckily, no one seemed to notice. You carefully pushed open the bunker door, trying your best to keep the noises hinges from squealing too loudly.

A cool breeze and rain droplets fell on you immediately. 

“Great, a downpour of rain in the middle of the night. Just perfect.” You muttered to yourself as you slowly made your assent up the stairs towards the road. It didn’t take long for your clothes to become soaked through. You could feel extra weight on you as they clung against your frame. Through your shivers, you urged your feet to keep going. Just twenty more steps. Ten more steps. One more step. Crash.

Your legs gave out on and your body came crashing down with your knees hitting hard against the pavement. Pain shot through you. “Dammit!” You shouted, warm tears now streaming freely from your eyes. 

“I just wanted to get away! Is that too much to fucking ask?” 

You looked around for shelter so you could check for any injuries in a safe area, but in the darkness and rain all you were able to see was a nearby bridge with a tiny, flickering light. Close enough to get to so long as nothing was broken, though it would hurt like hell to walk over to it in this weather. Biting your lip, you attempted to pull yourself up only to feel weakness in your ankle and for your body to crash down yet again. This time your hands were scratched up in your vain attempt to catch yourself. Now on all fours, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. Anger, frustration, sadness. All these emotions flowed through you. More tears fell from your eyes onto the already wet pavement, and you slammed your fist down. More tiny rocks dug themselves into your hand, but you didn’t care. You were past caring. 

“Fucking dammit I just wanted to get away. I just wanted to stop being a burden or a bother to Dean. Is that so much to ask of the fucking world when I bust my ass day in and out trying to save it? Why can’t I just leave and free Dean from having to be saddled with me? Why dammit?” 

“You really think you are a burden to me?” A deep, familiar voice rang in your ears. You felt our heart stop for a moment. Your breath stuck in your lungs. You turned your head languidly. Standing just a few feet from you was Dean. You could barely make out the features on his face, but his sunken shoulders gave away that he was hurting. 

“Dean, what are you doing here?” 

“I went to check on you and you were gone. All your stuff gone. And no note so I decided to go look for you. Y/N, what are you doing? Why are you going? No one is kicking you out.” 

You bit your lip in a vain attempt to keep yourself from completely shattering in front of him. Only the word because fell from your lips. 

“Because you think you are a burden to me? Have I ever once called you a burden? Ever once made you feel that way?” 

“It doesn’t matter if you had or not. All my life I have been a burden to people. I am needy, and weak. I am selfish. I ruin everything I touch. I hurt everyone I love. It is better when I am invisible Dean. It is better when I don’t have anyone who has to worry about me because then I won’t hurt them. I don’t want to hurt you Dean. I don’t want to be a burden or a bother to you because I love you.” 

Dean’s eyes grew wide at your confession and you forced yourself to turn away from him. You didn’t want to see the shift from shock to disgust. 

“What did you say?” Dean softly pleaded. 

“I said I love you Dean. I love you too much to let me be the baggage which brings you down.” 

Stewing in your sorrow you didn’t notice Dean kneel down beside you until you his arms wrapped themselves around you. He pulled you close and placed a soft kiss on top of your head. 

“Y/N. You aren’t a burden to me. You’ve never been a burden to me. You mean the world to me and it hurts me to know that you feel this way. I love you too much to let you leave thinking this way.” 

You tilted your head up and looked into Dean’s face. Although the rain continued to fall over him, you could see the tears falling from his own eyes. He weakly smiled at you.

“Dean, you shouldn’t love me. I am broken. I am so broken and I am so scared of shattering you along with me.” You revealed barely above a whisper. 

“So am I sweetheart. I am one giant fucked up mess, but you know what. I will make you a deal. I’ll take your mess if you take mine.” 

You couldn’t find the words to say. What could you say to that. You nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“Okay. Can you stand up?”

You shook your head. “I fell hard on my knees and somehow twisted my ankle on the way. Then I fell again and carved up my hands.” You raised one of them up and Dean shook his head. 

“That isn’t good. Let’s get you home so we can take care of those.” Dean let you go for a moment, repositioned himself and scooped you up in his arms. 

The walk home in the rain was silent save for the sound of Dean’s heart beating in his chest against your ear lulling you to sleep.


End file.
